In a world seemingly gone mad and in the face of personal changes in my own life that required my full attention, I took some quiet time in the last few months to consider what’s possible now.
When the winds of change blow through our lives in ways the affect us not only personally but also as part of the global community, it can feel overwhelming. It can trigger the well-known modes of unconscious reactivity that we know as “fight”, “flight” or frozen (the “not sure what to do” syndrome). We can get lost in the feelings of righteous anger, fear, confusion or anxiety.
However, in my own personal and professional life, I’m more interested in uncovering wise responses to challenges rather than unconscious reactivity.
Considering how to deal with the shifts in my own life of late – which have been a combination of problematical shifts and expansive opportunities – I knew from experience that a quick fix wasn’t the answer. I was committed to exploring a deeply considered understanding of troublesome situations. I then hoped to come up with inspired actions infused with win-win solutions for myself and any other person involved.
In a culture that encourages us to make something happen when life serves up challenges, it can take courage to stop and take stock of what’s going on in order to figure out what to do in a way that is life enhancing for all concerned.
Recently, one of the most uplifting enlightened responses I discovered was a story that went viral about a mom who wrote a letter when her child was excluded from a birthday party. This parent was disheartened to learn that her 8 year-old special needs son was the only child in his class not invited to the party. Rather than react with angry blame, she chose the higher road of offering an invitation for inclusion.
Every element of her letter is a powerful model for conflict resolution that really could be applied to any situation we might be experiencing in these turbulent times:
She told the truth about her understanding of the situation in which she discussed the reason, as she saw it, that her son had been intentionally left out. She reasoned that his not being invited was not because he was mean or hard to get along with but rather was because he had Down Syndrome.
She then provided clarity and insight into the situation. She cleared up some misconceptions about Down Syndrome and then honestly admitted her own past fears, misunderstandings and worries for her son. She explained how her other children have become more compassionate because of their brother and consider him to be their best friend.
She had the willingness to admit her part in why this happened the way it did. She owned up to her need going forward – as his parent – to “do a better job” to advocate for her son and to educate people about special needs children especially from the perspective of how similar they are versus different.
She next pointed out the teaching moment inherent in the situation: “This is a great opportunity and life lesson to have with your child. They will remember the time that their parent said to them, it’s not OK to leave someone out because of their disability, race, or gender.”
She finally offered a possible resolution for the situation. She invited the other parent to meet with her to talk about the incident. “I may be a mama bear but I am not a scary person,” she wrote, adding, “I recognize that we all make mistakes and at the end of the day, I think we both could have done better.”
Now that is LOVE, honor, and respect in action!
The wonderful outcome to this story is that the two parents did have a conversation that led to the birthday boy creating a special invitation to the party for the the boy with special needs.
I know I breathed a sigh a relief reading about how positively this turned out. That said, not all of us get the happy ending we hope for in the moment…even when we show up with this kind of insight, empathy, wisdom, open-hearted integrity and bold, creative action.
For me – when I’ve responded this honestly to a situation and the hopeful outcome still doesn’t manifest….. that’s when trust comes into play.
That’s when I turn to trust in the timing of the way things resolve. That’s when I embrace the trust that because I can’t possibly be in control of all the variables in any given situation, something beyond my knowing is unfolding. That’s when I trust that, if I release my fear-based expectations of life and of others and I commit to aligning with what’s possible, then that’s often when the magic happens allowing solutions to become evident.
So when the winds of change blow in my direction creating troublesome shifts, this is what I bank on:
- Speak the truth without blame or judgment.
- Be willing to go deep and understand the bigger picture of any situation.
- Always extend compassion and love towards myself and to others…..no matter how polarized a situation may seem.
- Honestly look at what I’m bringing to the table that might have contributed to the issue(s).
- Look for the solutions that will serve everyone.
- Trust that life is on my side and that it is all working for the good in right timing.
- Take action that to the best of my ability in a way that honors and respects everyone involved.
Truly…when life is shifting dramatically, we often do find our true direction! This is the hope…and the inspiration…for the times in which we live.
